I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
