i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
