it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
