Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
