honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
