You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dignity is for republicans.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
