we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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