its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
