That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
