shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
