Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
