I want to have your abortion
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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