I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
