Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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