Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
