oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
