You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
