A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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