I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
