Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
