god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
