Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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