Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
