Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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