I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
