Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
