And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
