i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
