also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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