i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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