im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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