i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
