i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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