When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize