The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
