i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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