my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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