You work out of a Hotel?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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