what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
