I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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