i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
