it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
