I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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