i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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