The maid of honor just puked.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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