alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
