Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
