i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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