It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
