the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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