I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How does one acquire holy water?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
