At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
