There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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