Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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