I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
